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Transcript Pages This is a transcript for Despicable Me 4. Feel free to add contents to page as long as the information pertain to the article. |
(chuckles) Ah.
Ah. Hmm.
(chuckles) Stuart.
Illumination!
[Fade to black. We cut open on a snazzy car driving down the road through the night. It arrives at the Lycee Pas Bon School of Villainy, where a big reunion party is going on. Stepping out of the vehicle is Gru. Then, a small car drives up and three minions try to get out. One gets out while the others get stuck. The car then tips over and out stepped three minions.]
Gru: Phil, Ron, Ralph! Stay focused!
Ah. Okay, okay.
[The minions change their clothes to wear some fancy spy suits.]
Gru: Okay, our target is Maxime Le Mal. One of the Anti-Villain League’s most wanted. And trust me, a real jerk. So, there is no room for error, got it?
Si, boss.
Uh, boss? Uh, Gru?
[They enter the building to see tons of villains attending the party.]
(gasps) Phil! Ron!
Huh?
Looka! Looka! Oh!
[The minions see a big jello nearby at a table and rush over to it.]
Yummos!
[Two of them move the gelatin toward the other who has his mouth open.]
Come here, come here.
Ah.
Pusha. Pusha.
Ah...
[The jello drops down, encasing the minion in it.]
(muffled) Helpa. Ah, helpa.
Ah.
Ah. Oh, helpa.
[The two minions proceed to eat around it. Meanwhile, Gru looks around for Maxime.]
Maxime le Mal: (offscreen) Kids can be so cruel, but Maxime can be even crueler! (laughs)
[He turns around to encounter the villain himself, chatting to his old fellows.]
Maxime le Mal: Ho ho ho! Well, well, well, look who it is. If it isn’t Gru-ser the Loser!
Gru: Well, if it isn’t Maxime le Mal. You look…
Maxime le Mal: Magnificent? Yes, I know. What did you think, huh? I was going to look like a bald loser with a dad bod? Oops, looks like you beat me to it, no?
[He and the other villains laugh while the minions oohed.]
Gru: Well, that’s not…
Maxime le Mal: It’s good to laugh, no? (laughs) Anyway, you remember my girlfriend, Valentina? She was captain of the femme fatale cheese squad and ze most popular girl at school, huh?
Gru: I remember. Good to see you. Valentina.
Valentina: Hmph. (walks away)
Maxime le Mal: Ha ha. What happened, Gru? All your dreams of becoming a famous villain, they go poof-poof, eh? (he and the other villains laugh)
Gru: I don’t know if you know, but I did manage to steal the moon.
Maxime le Mal: Really? You mean zat moon?
[He points to the moon up in the sky and the baddies laugh.]
Principal Übelshlecht: (on mic) Is this on? Can I have everyone’s attention please? Good evening and welcome, Lycee Pas Bon alumni. Now, we’re going to kick off the festivities by announcing the winner of our most coveted award, the Golden Alumni. And so, without further ado, this winner of this year’s Golden Alumni is… uh, oh, my favorite student! Maxime Le Mal!
Gru: What?! Are you kidding me?!
Maxime Le Mal: Oh, thank you! Thank you. Merci. Merci beaucoup. Mais non, you don't have to. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm sure you all know that I have something very big in the works. Now, some of you laughed at my childhood obsession with cockroaches. (chuckles) But I quickly learned that they are a miracle of evolution. And I have found a way to harness the strength and the speed and the– what is the word?-- unsquishability of the most powerful creature on the planet. Which makes me indestructible and unstoppable!
Crowd: (chanting) Maxime! Maxime! Maxime!
Maxime Le Mal: Behold, the power of the cockroach!
Maxime Le Mal: So, my sad little friend, what do you say about that, huh?
Gru: Well, I'd say you're under arrest, courtesy of the Anti-Villain League.
Maxime Le Mal: (chuckling) Oh, I don't think so, mon ami.
Gru: Oh, yeah? Goop Grenade!
Gru: (speaks to his watch) Move in!
AVL!
Stay where you are!
Move, move, move!
Stay there!
Gru: Gotcha!
Maxime le Mal: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No! This is not happening. C'est impossible. Get your hands off of me! (groans) I… I am commanding you to let...
Gru: So long, Maxime! Who’s the loser now?!
Loser!
Both: Loser! Loser!
Maxime le Mal: This is not over! You won’t always have the AVL to fight your battles, you coward! Mark my words, I will exterminate you! (laughs evilly)
What?
Not… not scary at all. (chuckles nervously)
Gru: Hello, everybody!
Edith: Gru! What’s up?
Agnes: Hey, Gru!
Hey, Gru.
I'm so happy you're here!
What's shaking in the Gru house?
Look what I taught Lucky. Lucky, sit.
Aw, Lucky. I said "sit."
Well, it is only his first lesson.
Uh, maybe we practice outside from now on.
There's my favorite husband.
Did you remember to get the milk?
Well, yes. They had a few kinds. They got the almond milk, soy milk, hemp milk, oat milk, goat milk, chocolate milk, half-and-half, powdered and of magnesia.
What about regular milk?
Uh, they don't make that anymore.
Oh.
Wait a minute. One, two, three girls, one wife. Something is missing.
Lucy Wilde: No, I think that's all of us, yeah. You know what, I keep forgetting-- This guy!
Gru: Ooh, there’s my boy! There he is. A-coochie-coochie-coochie-coochie. Where is Daddy's hug? Oh, looks like somebody's a little cranky. Behind that sourpuss, I know you love your dada! Go on, say it. Dada. Daaa-da.
Lucy Wilde: Yes, of course he loves you. He just… he just doesn’t show it with his face. Or his body language. Right, Gru Jr? Come on. Show Daddy how much you love him.
Oh, I know what will make you happy.
Mmm. Bahama Medley.
No?
It's from the Bahamas– all of them. Look. Oh, so yummy. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Oh, that really tastes like the Bahamas.
See? He loves his daddy.
He's sharing. (chuckles)
Phil, Ralph, Ron.
Thanks, guys.
Ramsbottom?
Minion: "Bottom."
[He and the minions laugh.]
Silas Ramsbottom: I need a word with you both.
Sure, but what...
Silas Ramsbottom: I'm sorry, there's no time for chitchat. Maxime Le Mal has sent you a message from prison.
Maxime le Mal: Bonjour, Gru. I know you can hear me, so hear this. You think you can humiliate me and get away with it, yes? But no! When I break out of prison, I'm coming for my revenge, Gru, but this time, I won't go so easy on you. (laughs) And I know where you live, so you'd better sleep with one eye open, 'cause you can't hide from me. (laughs) Sweet dreams, Gru-ser! (laughs)
Don't worry, he can't get out of there.
(chuckling) It's a maximum security prison.
Ah, yes, well, um… (clears throat) he escaped yesterday.
What?! Leave our home?
Oh, no, you're gonna love it. It's-it's called the safe house, and it's fun, and it's safe, and it's fantastic, and we're going.
Yeah, you'll get a new room, go to a new school.
That'll be fun, right?
Everything's gonna be new.
We love new.
Margo: What about all my friends?
Gru: You'll make new friends, probably better ones.
Margo: (groans) I can't believe this.
Gru: Yes, yes. Lot of emotions, big life change. Less talking, more walking. Come on. Here we go.
Agnes: (sniffles, whimpers) I'm sorry you can't go with us, Lucky. (Lucky bleats; to the agent) Take good care of him. (to Lucky) Be good, Lucky. Don't forget to practice your tricks.
We'll arrive at the AVL safe house in a few hours.
Mayflower is a lovely town.
A lovely, safe, boring town.
Trust me, it is for the best, Gru.
And what about Grandma?
And Uncle Dru?
Silas Ramsbottom: I'm sorry, no one can know of your whereabouts. Not even family.
Bingo, there's your silver lining.
And you promise to take care of the other Minions?
Silas Ramsbottom: They'll be safe and sound at AVL headquarters. I have big plans for them.
(scoffs) Good luck with that.
Carl: That is it!
Carl: QUIET!!!
Carl: You are now on Carl's bus. And Carl is a longtime AVL employee whose retirement benefits are almost vested, so while on Carl's bus, you follow Carl's rules. No shenanigans, no antics and no tomfoolery.
Minion: Tom?
Carl: So this ends now, or you're gonna see a side of Carl you do not want to see.DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!
Minion: Bazooka!
Carl: (groaning) Carl does not like this! Watch your hands. What are you doing? Who's pinching?! No!
Silas Ramsbottom: Here we are, the town of Mayflower. The safe house has been used to protect our agents for decades now.
Oh, look at that place.
Lucy Wilde: Wow, look at these lawns, the flowers.
Edith: (laughing) Whoa, that is cool!
Are we really gonna live here?
(gasps) Look at that fountain!
Whoa.
Edith: Awesome.
Oh, is that one ours?
Uh, uh, looka. (giggles)
Whoa!
Margo: Look at that!
Agnes: Oh, that's pretty!
Lucy Wilde: I could get used to this.
Agnes: Ooh, it looks like a princess lives there!
And here it is.
Your new home.
Oh.
Hmm. No fountain.
I'm sure it's gonna be great.
Come on.
Wow, it's so… cold and uninviting. But in a homey kind of way.
(chuckles)
What?
Yes, everything here is AVL standard. What it lacks in comfort, it more than makes up for in functionality.
Th-There's even a fully automated lockdown mode.
Isn't that fun?
Ooh, full lockdown mode. (chuckles)
(unenthusiastically) Yay.
Agnes: (gasps) It has a vending machine! I love this place!
Uh, uh, looka.
This will be great.
Silas Ramsbottom: All right, now down to business. For your own safety, you'll all be assuming new identities.
New identities?
Is that really necessary?
Silas Ramsbottom: It's not up for debate, Gru. Now, you are a solar panel salesman. Lucy, you're a hair stylist at an upscale salon.
(gasps) A hair stylist?
Yes! Jackpot!
Silas, did you choose that because you knew I cut my own hair and that I would totally rock at this?
No.
"Chet Cunningham." Da, that's got a nice ring to it.
Silas Ramsbottom:
Girls.
(chuckling) Cool. I'm Blair.
Britney?
My name is Bree?
Oh, come on. There are worse names than Bree.
Yeah, like Blanche.
(laughs)
Yes, Margo.
Blanche?
Oh, that is a terrible name. (chuckles) Imagine being named Blanche. Truly, I cannot think of a worse… (realizes) My name's Blanche, isn't it?
Yup.
Well, I'll get used to it.
Well, why don't you girls go and pick out your rooms while I have a word with your parents?
Yes, I-I didn't want to frighten the girls, but it is absolutely crucial you keep your true identities under wraps.
Gru, you're going to have to try to not be so Gru-ish.
What is that supposed to mean?
Well, I'm just saying you tend to stand out in a crowd.
That's all. You know, you, uh...
Like the way you're always cranky and irritable and, uh, how you make things a bit awkward for everyone around you.
You do do that. (laughs)
I mean, you, you know, you...
Okay, enough. I don't make people awkward or uncomfortable. I'm very comforting. Like a nice meat loaf. I'm pretty delicious. This is not awkward. You're the ones who are making it awkward.
Gru, you have to blend in.
Your family's lives are at stake. You understand?
Of course. Yes. Fully understand.
We would do anything to keep our family safe. Yeah.
Right, well, I'll be in contact when this is all over.
Until then, capturing Maxime Le Mal is our top priority.
Stay safe.
You know what, Gru?
Maybe this isn't so bad.
We need a break from chasing down villains and dangerous missions, right?
We can actually be a normal family for once.
(gasps)
And I can finally spend some little bonding time with the baby.
It's gonna be great, right, pal? Who's got your nose? Who's got...
Aah! He's got my nose!
(groans)
Quite the grip there.
The kid is strong.
(groans)
Ah.
Thank you. Look at everyone.
Yes. We are having a good time, right?
(singing along) I'm free to do what I want and have a good time...
No, I love you.
Thank you, my beautiful army. Maxime's back, baby! (laughs)
And a special merci beaucoup to everyone who helped me break out of AVL prison.
Todd and Linda, where are you?
Where are you?
Yes. For distracting the guards.
Oh, tres magnifique.
(laughs) Now, silence!
We must make Gru suffer for arresting me.
(laughs)
And what better way than to take away from him his precious little baby?
Oh, I want to take that baby!
(laughs)
Oh, Maxime.
No, no, wait, wait.
Not Maxime.
What if I start going by Cockroach Man?
Huh? Little on the nose, but it is very clear, huh? It's good, no?
(scoffs) I'm not calling you that stupid name, but I love this evil plan.
Well, Gru has it coming.
He humiliated me in front of the whole school.
I had my trophy and everything.
But now the game begins!
He runs and hides like the mouse, and we find him like the cat!
Game on.
Stoppa. Stoppa.
Stoppa. Stoppa.
(exclaims in Minionese) Stoppa!
Gru: Okay, we've got Chet's famous super cheesy scrambled eggs And Blanche's famous bacon that spells your name. Here you go, Britney.
Agnes: Wait. I can’t say my name is Britney. That would be a lie.
Gru: Yes.
Agnes: But we aren't "stupposed" to lie.
Gru: Don't think of it as lying. Think of it as high-stakes pretending.
Agnes: Well, I'm not going to.
Gru: Ah, just a little white lie.
Agnes: Nope.
Gru: Agnes, as your father, I command you to lie!
Agnes: No!
Gru: Yes, lie.
Agnes: Mm-mm.
Gru: You are walking on thin ice, little lady.
Agnes: Hmph.
Gru: Why can’t you be more like your sister Edith? She lies all the time.
Edith: No, I don't.
Gru: See? See? She’s lying right now. Beautifully, I might add.
Lucy Wilde: Okay, you guys. This is our first big day in Mayflower, and I say we make it a great one. Right, Chet Jr.?
Woo-hoo! Mayflower!
Yeah! Woo-hoo!
We're gonna be late for karate.
And you have to get Margo
to school.
Ah.
Edith: It's gonna be awesome.
(unenthusiastically): Yay.
Hey.
You just have to put yourself out there, and I promise, Mayflower will love Chet Cunningham.
Well, they're gonna love him just as much as I do.
Gru: Mm.
And you, little man, are gonna have so much fun with your daddy today.
(smacking lips)
Yep, just you and Dada.
Come on, say it. "Dada."
"Dada."
(blows raspberry)
Gonna be a fun day.
Okay.
(laughing)
Thanks a lot, guys.
Man: All right.
Thanks, hon. Bye.
Bye.
Look, Margo. Neighbors.
Hello!
Hmm?
Come on.
You got this, Chet.
(shudders)
I'm your new neighbor, Chet Cunningham.
Uh-huh. Perry Prescott.
So, what, uh, brings you to the neighborhood, Chet?
Well, uh...
(gasps)
Solar panels.
That's it. I sell solar panels.
Have you joined the solar revolution?
Yeah, no.
Uh, I think I'm good.
Good to know.
So, uh, what do you do, Perry?
I own Prescott Motors, the largest auto dealer in the state.
Wow. That's impressive.
This is my daughter Margo.
Margo: Bree, Dad.
Gru: Ah, yes.
Yes. Did I say "Margo"? It's funny because I was thinking… I was thinking about a fish I once had as a pet named Margo, who lived in the pond and, uh, then died. (stammers softly) Anyway, I, uh… I am about to take Bree to school for her first day.
Yeah, I was about to take Poppy to school, so...
Poppy. Hello, Poppy.
That's a fun name to say.
You want to carpool with us?
No.
You can be friends with Bree.
Right, Bree?
You don't have any friends.
(Margo chuckles awkwardly)
Well, love the chitchat, Chet, but she's got school, and I'm meeting some pals over at the country club, so...
Ooh, country club. That sounds like a lot of fun. If I were ever invited to a country club, (chuckles) I am sure that I would love it.
Yeah, well, we really have to get going, so nice meeting you, Chet.
Okay, cool.
Anytime you want to hang out, just hit me up with a text.
He's gonna text me.
That was painful.
You'll see, by lunchtime, you will have forgotten all about your old, lousy friends.
Mm, not so sure about that.
Hey, honey, you got this.
You are smart. You are funny.
What's there to worry about, right?
They're gonna love you.
Thanks, Gru.
Buh-bye.
Oh, please let them love you.
Hey, Poppy.
Uh...
Move it!
(chuckling) Sorry. My bad.
I'm going. All right, I'm going.
Ooh. Glassos.
Silas Ramsbottom: All right, gentlemen, fall in. Some of you may be wondering why you're here.
Minion: Uh...
Minion 2: Si.
Silas Ramsbottom: As you may or may not know, I was recently called out of retirement to head up the AVL's new top-secret initiative to take down Maxime Le Mal. And that's where you come in. We need volunteers. We are looking for the strong, the mighty...
Oh.
Uh...
...the fearless.
Minion: Uh, nope.
Silas Ramsbottom: We need the best of the best.
Uh...
Silas Ramsbottom: So, who's it going to be?
[The minions step away, leaving only five remaining.]
Silas Ramsbottom: Yes, nice work, gentlemen.
Uh, blumach.
Silas Ramsbottom: The AVL is known for cutting-edge weapons and vehicles, but now we are developing cutting-edge agents, and I can think of no better guinea pigs than you.
Guinea pig! Yeah!
Silas Ramsbottom: You will be the first to test our Super-serum, designed to transform you into elite agents with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal man. Or you might just explode. We don't really know.
Uh, uh, huh?
Ah... (chuckles)
Silas Ramsbottom: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… The Mega Minions!
(laughing) Cool!
Aw, you guys look adorable.
And-and really tough and-and scary.
I'll look even better when I have a black belt.
Hi-yah!
Ooh, ooh! I'm gonna break a brick with my head.
That's the spirit. Oh!
Oh, okay, now, go have fun while I'm at work.
Blair and Britney, right?
Mm...
We will!
Okay. Bye, Mom.
Lucy Wilde: Bye!
Gotcha.
Hi-yah!
Circle up, people. Show respect for your sensei.
Kids: Yes, Sensei O'Sullivan!
Sensei O’Sullivan: Hai! You, Moscovitch, didn't I tell you to cut that hair? You look like a sheepdog.
Moscovitch: Sorry, Sensei.
Sensei O’Sullivan: Now, we have two new students today ready to begin their journey– hi-yah!-- to awesomeness. You, tiny girl. Step forward and tell us your name.
Um...
(whispers) It's Britney.
Uh… m-my name? I can't...
Sensei O’Sullivan: There's no "can't" in karate. Ten push-ups after class!
Hey, that's not fair.
Sensei O’Sullivan: You better not be talking back to your sensei. Now, are you ready to tell us your name and participate?
Mm...
I guess not.
Then why don't you go sit in the corner of disgrace and reflection and think about what kind of person you want to be? Am I gonna get any trouble from you?
Edith: Yeah, probably.
Sensei O’Sullivan: Excuse me? (cracks his neck) If you think I'm above fighting children, you picked the wrong dojo.
Edith: That was for my sister.
Sensei O’Sullivan: (whimpers) You broke my pinkie toe.
Edith: (chuckles nervously) That's gonna be a lot of push-ups.
Lucy Wilde: (quietly) Okay, put this over here.
Hair gel.
Hairspray.
Oh, uh, Mrs. Cunningham.
Oh, yeah, uh, yeah? Uh, um, hi.
I have to say, this is quite a resume.
Well, what can I say?
I'm good at what I do.
(chuckles)
Well, you are exactly what we need here.
Lot of vain, demanding divas in this town.
I have a hair emergency, people.
Where's what's-her-name?
Remy? Rhonda?
Oh, Melora, I'm so sorry.
Rachel's on maternity leave.
What?! Oh, that is unacceptable.
But you are in luck, because Blanche here is fantastic.
Perfect. I'll be in my chair.
Okay, kiddo, you're up.
(chuckles nervously)
Let's go!
So, Melora, what are we thinking?
What if we just wet the hair and let it dry in the air?
(chuckling) Let nature do its "thang," you know?
No, no, no, no, that style is dead to me. It's-it's time for a whole new Melora.
I want this.
Wow. (chuckles)
Wow. Um...
Okay. Let's start with color.
Yes, color, 'cause that's what you start with.
A little of this. Some of that.
And, ooh, that's pretty.
This isn't so hard. (chuckles)
Uh...
What?
(sniffs)
Should it be smoking?
Yes, uh-huh.
Smoking means it's working.
What's going on?
Perfect. No one panic.
Call 911!
Quickly, quickly.
Oh. (chuckles)
Wonder where they're going.
(laughs) Voila.
My latest creation.
All of my transformation powers in a handheld design, huh?
Ay, I love it.
Oh, and look at the little antenna.
That's so cute.
It's not supposed to be cute, no!
I'm going for intimidating.
Terrifying, even.
Now, all I have to do is find that walking bald potato, and his baby is mine.
Check this out. (chuckles)
No, I kid you not. I'm being...
Whoa! Whoa!
Oh, this is going to be so good!
Okay, Daddy is officially exhausted.
I changed your diaper.
I've got your bottle, your Binky.
And here are your balloons.
There you go.
You like those, right?
All right, a little bit of me time.
Mmm, mmm.
Margo: (exasperated sigh) Someone put a glitter bomb in my locker. Ugh, teenagers are the worst.
Gru: Yeah, babies are no picnic, either.
Gru: Junior!
Ah, okay, okay.
Dua Lipa. Prosciutto.
Fire in de bowl!
Good night, Ralph.
Gru: (scatting) Taking out the trash 'cause I'm an awesome dad And the baby finally went to sleep. (scatting)
Poppy: Hello, Gru.
Gru: Hello. Wha... Hey. What. What the… Oh. Hello, Poppy. Did you say something? Wha... My name's Chet, by the way. Chet Cunningham. Gru? (laughing) Wha… What does that even mean?
Poppy: It means you're bad at lying.
Gru: Hey, that's not nice. Ever hear of respecting your elders?
Poppy: I don't respect boomers. I just mock them.
Gru: (laughs) Is that, like, a joke you read on the Web?
Poppy: Wow. "The Web"? How old are you?
Gru: Well, old enough to know that you are a rotten little...
Poppy: You better watch yourself.
(gasps) Ooh.
You used to be a master villain.
(scoffs) That's not me. I don't even see a resemblance. Clearly, you have the wrong guy, as I sell... mm, solar panels.
Poppy: Oh, don't worry. I'm not gonna expose you. Because you're gonna help me pull a heist. We start planning tomorrow.
Gru: You want to pull a heist? (laughs) Listen, kid, I'm not going to...
Poppy: No, you listen, old man.
Gru: Ow.
Poppy: I own you. And I promise, you do not want to cross me.
Gru: Okay. (stammers) All right, but tomorrow is-is not really good timing.
Poppy: Bummer for you. Because this is happening, unless you want the whole world to know exactly who you are… Gru.
Gru: (whispers) She's terrifying.
Ah. (gasps)
Oh, looka! (speaks Minionese)
Bello. Bello. Thank you.
Ow!
Ooh!
Oh, thank you.
Yay!
Oh, blumach.
Hey, Jiminy! Tu cafe le colda?
No problemo.
Thank you.
Silas Ramsbottom: All right, all right, s-settle down. Settle down! Thank you. It's time to get you out for some real-world training. And if you do well out there, you'll be the AVL's new secret weapon.
Pomodoro!
I'm quite sure
I won't regret this.
No, the painters canceled.
Uh-huh.
True story.
Wow.
I don't know what is the deal with these...
Gru: Morning, neighbors!
Uh...
Hey there!
Still waiting on that invite, Perry.
Uh...
(gasps) Oh!
No. No. No, no.
Yoo-hoo!
Patsy. (grunts)
Oh, neighbors.
Oh, Patsy.
Hi there.
I'm Perry's wife Patsy.
Oh. I'm Blanche. And this is Chet.
Hi. So I look over here, and I see you, and... (laughs)
I have one of my brilliant ideas.
Perry needs a fourth for tennis tomorrow.
Oh, honey.
(chuckles) I... I don't know.
He doesn't seem like much of a tennis guy.
Much of a tennis guy? I am too much of a tennis guy. I'm Mr. Tennis. It's my favorite of all the sports games. With the racket and, uh, with the balls. So yellow and fuzzy.
Oh, then we're all set.
See you two at the club tomorrow.
(laughs)
Toodle-oo.
Okay. Toodle-oo to you two, too.
(chuckles)
So, you-you play tennis?
Yes, yes, I play tennis.
I'm pretty fantastic, actually.
Well, at least I was at summer camp.
Wow, that's great.
Here you go.
Mwah. Okay, bye.
Have fun.
There you go.
(groaning) Okay.
Huh?
What the... (yelps)
Gru.
You can't hide from me, Gru.
(back cracks) Ay, my back is killing me.
How long is this gonna take?
It will take as long as it takes.
Mark my words, Gru will not win.
This won't be like the ninth grade talent show.
Ay, again with this.
Yes, again.
It was a pivotal moment.
Why can't you indulge me?
(both groan)
It was the night of the big show.
(Valentina scoffs)
Maxime le Mal: I had practiced for weeks, perfecting a number that would blow my classmates away.
Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon…
I was about to go on when...
What?
I heard it.
Wait. Oh.
Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon...
Maxime le Mal: There was that little jerk doing my big number.
Gru: You come and go...
Maxime le Mal: He ruined everything. I couldn't go on after him. I would've looked like a fool. Like I was copying him.
Maybe it was just a coincidence. That was a very popular song.
Maxime le Mal: Oh, no, no, no, no. He knew. He did it on purpose. He reveled in humiliating me.
Huh?
What now?
Ugh, we're low on fuel.
It's always something.
Look, I can never focus on just being evil.
(groans) Okay.
Pull over.
Okay, let's see.
Regular unleaded.
Ooh. Wow.
It is expensive, no?
Okay. Insert card and remove rapidly.
"Card not read."
Oh, come on.
Did you pull it out rapidly?
Yes, yes, very rapidly.
Ay, get me a slushy. It's my cheat day.
Hey, you, your stupid machine won't read my card.
Did you remove it rapidly?
Yes.
(sighs)
Well, sometimes it's too rapid.
You should probably try again.
(groans) I don't have time for this!
(whimpers) Whoa!
I'm trying to destroy my archnemesis.
Now, give me 900 gallons on pump four, you idiot.
(whimpers) Please don't hurt me.
Oh, I'm not going to hurt you. (chuckles)
Wha...
Ow!
Maxime le Mal: Oh, look at you. (laughs) Much better. Now, get me a purple slushy!
I'm not paying for that, just so you know. So there. (laughs) I know I'm so bad.
Hmm. Okay, why don't you guys pick out a healthy cereal?
(gasps) This was Lucky's favorite cereal.
You don't think he'll forget me, do you?
Oh, sweetheart, that's impossible.
You play with Lucky and-and dress him up.
And you guys have your podcast.
There is no way in this world he could ever forget his best friend.
(laughs)
Thanks, Mom.
Oh, look it!
This one has extra marshmallows!
Double Frosted Choco Clusters.
Agnes: Yeah.
Yeah, let's go with those.
All right, what else do we need?
(gasping) Oh, no.
Nobody see. Nobody notice. Nobody notice.
Whew.
Edith: What's wrong?
Huh?
Oh, nothing. Just, uh… ooh, stretching before we hit the aisles.
Shopping is the number one cause of pulled hamstrings.
Probably didn't know that.
Okay, all stretched.
Let's go. Quickly.
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
(sighs) Okay. Coast is clear.
Uh... oh.
(gasps)
You!
You did this to me! You fraud.
Come on, girls.
Clean up on aisle nine!
(chuckles)
I've always wanted to say that.
Just hide over here.
-What does that lady want?
Lady? I didn't see a lady.
(gasps) Lady!
Come on, let's go.
Faster.
Aah!
Whoa!
You're no hairdresser! I'm onto you!
Get back here!
Got to get out of here.
(panting) Okay.
Come back here!
Agnes: (laughs) Whoa!
Cashier: Hey! No, no, no, no, no! You can't just...
Lucy Wilde: Open! Open! Open!
Whoa!
Let's go.
Stop! Come here, you! No!
Whew.
That was a close one.
Always a fun time when you go shopping with Mom.
Yeah!
Best shopping trip ever!
Agnes: I feel so alive!
DDR Announcer: Perfect-o!
Gru: (over speaker) Poppy? Poppy! I don't see her, Junior.
Poppy: Look up, genius.
Huh?
Poppy: (over speaker) You're late.
How do I get up there?
Poppy: (over speaker) Use the trampoline.
Huh?
(sighs)
Here we go.
Whoa! Aah!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Poppy: It is I, Poppy Prescott, villainess.
Have a seat, Gru.
All right, I'll sit...
Okay. Why am I here?
Because, like you, I was born to be bad. And now… (cracks knuckles) it's time to discuss our big heist.
(scoffs)
"Heist."
Please, you're just a child.
All great villains start young.
Didn't you steal the Crown Jewels when you were 12?
I was a lot younger than that.
And no offense, but you're not me.
Oh, I plan on being a lot better than you.
Check this out.
Gru: Hey, is that my old school?
Poppy: Bingo! Which I have modeled with glue and popsicle sticks. And it’s we are going to steal… the school mascot!
Gru: You want to steal Lenny?
Poppy: Exactly. Lycee Pas Bon has always been my dream school and this heist will look so great on my villain transcripts.
Gru: That is a terrible idea. Have you ever even seen a honey badger? They are vicious little monsters! They literally eat bees and cobras for breakfast! Honey badger don’t care! No way! No way am I helping you!
Poppy: Well, that’s the thing with blackmail. You kinda have no choice.
Come here. Come here!
Ah, uh... (speaks Minionese)
Tim.
Tim, uh, tu le do it.
Go, go, go.
P-P-Porque meo?
(whimpers) Chihuahua.
Bas enough!
(continues in Minionese)
No! Tu le stronga.
Tu le forta.
Tu le besta!
(continues in Minionese)
Les salami!
Others: Les salami!
Aah! Suppository!
Hey! Police!
No problemo.
Ooh. Uh...
Pina colada.
Man: Help!
Please, can you help me?
Oh, si, si. (grunts)
Hey. All is goot.
Ciao!
Smudge, Smudge, come down.
Hey! (speaks Minionese)
Les gato. (chuckles)
Thank you. Thank you.
Ooh, smoocha.
(giggling)
Oh!
Help!
Mega Tim: Bazooka!
Ah. Uh... (chuckles nervously)
Hey, hey. Stoppa. Stoppa. Muy risky. Lemme do it.
(sighs) Ciao, bellos!
Citizen 1: There they are! Those guys crushed my car!
Citizen 2: They destroyed the coffee shop!
Citizen 3: Yeah, get out of here!
Citizen 4: They’re ruining everything!
Old Lady: I’m sick of superheroes!
Citizen 5: Yeah!
[The citizens rabble in anger, throwing stuff at the Mega Minions, who proceed to run away. The AVL van drives in and opens up.]
Silas Ramsbottom: Get in! (a tomato hits his face)
[The Mega Minions get in the van and drive off.]
Silas Ramsbottom: Gentlemen, (wipes the tomato off his face and groans) our experiment has failed. You are officially going to be retired.
Yeah! Retirement! Uh, uh, no?
Whoa. There it is.
The castle.
The gargoyles. (gasps)
I can't believe I'm really here.
Ron: (grunts) Okay.
(speaking Minionese)
Voila.
(sighs)
Okay, let's get this over with.
Ron, hand me my gear.
Voila.
Keep a close eye on him.
Ron: Okay.
If you need anything,
I brought formula...
Uh-huh. Formula. Diapers.
...extra diapers,
his favorite Binky.
Come on.
Let's go, let's go.
And now we cut through the glass with my...
Diapers?
What?
You've got to be kidding with me.
Hey, guys. Guys. Guys? Guys. Guys, where is the other bag, with my gear?
Ah, in le balloon.
Phil: Ah, uh...
Oops. (laughs)
What? How… (grunts, groans) All right, all right. Let's see what I got in here.
Uh... come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Aha.
Thank you.
Easy peasy.
(grunts) Huh?
(whispers) That's Mr. Friendly.
No, no, no, no, no!
Whew.
Ha, ha, ha. (blows raspberry)
Poppy: That's Dr. Destructo. He was just a kid. And there's Killer Driller's original helmet.
Gru: Come on. Stay focused. (snaps fingers) Diaper.
I need something like… something that I can...
How about this?
Nice.
Yes! (squeals excitedly)
(gasps) We're in.
Gru: Wait. No, no, no, no, no.
Baby powder.
Ah, si, si. Yeah.
Whoa.
You know, the most important part of a heist is being constantly aware of potential danger.
Phil: Le baby!
La la! Tiramisu!
No, no! Le baby! Komay le!
Gru: No. Junior. Junior, come back here.
So, what's your plan now?
I am dealing with it. (gasps)
Don't touch anything. No. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no!
(laughs) Good job, Junior.
Way to go. (groans)
(laughing)
Aw, he's having fun.
Eh, too much fun.
Ah, stoppa.
Blah, blah, blah.
Please, Junior, Daddy needs to steal a honey badger.
Whew. Okay.
I know they keep Lenny here at night.
And if memory serves, there is a hidden switch around here somewhere.
Ah. Aha.
Yes.
Both: Ooh.
I'll hit him with this. Once he's knocked out, we'll open the cage. That fuzzy demon will sleep like a baby the whole...
Okay, he's still asleep.
I tranqued myself.
Ow!
Poppy: Hey! Hey!
Gru, what do we do?
No! (gasps)
Oh, no! I ruined our heist.
Principal Übelshlecht: What? Who dares?
Intruders!
Intruders!
Wake up! (gasps)
No!
What?
Hmm.
Aw.
Both: Aw.
No. Nope.
Come on. We have to go.
Principal Übelshlecht: Intruders, you messed with the wrong principal.
(gasps) Here we go.
Come on. Come on.
Go, go, go!
Principal Übelshlecht: Come on! Come on! Ooh, you won't get away with this.
Principal Übelshlecht: Prepare to feel the wrath of Ubelschlecht.
Diaper rash cream.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Stop, stop, stop.
Oh, dear.
Get back here, you! I want my Lenny!
How are we getting out of here?
Follow me.
Get in.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Mr. Friendly!
Whoa!
Poppy: I have to say, that was, without a doubt, the coolest night of my life.
I can't believe we actually pulled that off.
(chuckles)
Not gonna lie, that was pretty fun.
Ron: Scusa. Scusa. (whimpering)
Poppy: Thanks, Ron.
Whew. (speaks Minionese)
And thank you for everything.
Oh, and hey, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me, partner.
Thanks.
Good night.
Your dada did pretty good, huh, Junior?
Principal Übelshlecht: Hello, Maxime. How's my favorite student? You know, I think you and I might be looking for the same person, and I know exactly where he is.
Thank you, Principal Ubelschlecht.
We got him! Valentina, to Mayflower!
With pleasure.
Ah. Here we go.
(chuckles)
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
It's all coming back to me.
Gru: Oops. Oh.
(chuckles) Okay.
See you later.
Say, "Bye, Mommy and Daddy."
Have fun at the club.
Make good choices.
Bye, guys.
Goodbye.
Bye!
Poppy: Hey, Cunninghams.
Um, hey, Poppy.
I heard our parents are having a playdate– which is adorable, by the way– and I thought you might want to hang out.
Oh. Yeah, sure. Come on in.
Let's get this party started, people!
I like her.
Yeah, most people do.
Sweet.
So, have you guys ever seen a honey badger?
Whoa, okay. These guys aren't messing around.
There are my favorite new neighbors.
Hi.
I'm loving this whole vibe.
You two look like a couple of pros.
Yeah, but we're not. (chuckles)
Perry and the boys are waiting for y'all on the court, and we are hitting the clubhouse.
And you're telling me where you got that to-die-for outfit.
Over here, Chet.
Hello.
(sighs) Okay.
Skip, Chip, Chet.
Chet, Skip, Chip.
Hey there, fellas.
Hello.
How are you doing, Chet?
Okay.
Chet here is gonna show us fellas how it's done.
Right?
Uh, hmm. (grunts)
Oh, I'm gonna smoke this guy.
(panting) Okay.
Huh?
What the...
Okay. Let's do this.
Huh? You've got to be kidding.
Okay, okay.
Better?
Perry: What?
Gru: Hmm?
Perry: That doesn't count.
And... oh! What?
You can't just... (grunts)
This is ridiculous!
-Huh? (grunts)
Ah. (speaks Minionese)
Edith: (chuckles) Thanks, Ron.
Ron: Hey, no! Oh, no!
Edith: Come and get it.
Oh, it's so cute.
Whoa.
This is the weirdest dog ever.
I'll get it.
(gasps)
Well, hello, little one. Is your daddy home?
Agnes: Sorry. I'm not "stupposed" to talk to strangers.
(chuckles) Oh. I'm not a stranger.
Well, you look strange to me.
Margo: Who is it?
I don't know. But she's old and smells like pickles.
Okay, I'm coming.
Oh, no. Um...
I'll be right back.
Can I help you?
Well, I hope so. I'm an old friend of Gru's.
Well, he's not here, so...
Oh, that's all right. I'll wait.
Huh? What? No!
Whenever you're ready, Perry.
Um...
Hmm?
Needless to say, Perry and I are no longer welcome on the island of O'ahu.
(laughs) True story.
Gru: Honey.
Oh, thank goodness.
It's the children.
We have to go now.
Oh.
Thanks. Bye.
Our cover's blown.
What?
Call Silas.
Oh, no.
Happy birthday to you.
Ah. (clears throat)
(gasps) Gru's been compromised. This is an emergency, people. Retirement is officially over. Assemble the Mega Minions.
Pomodoro!
Pomodoro!
Shooshta, shooshta, shooshta, shooshta, shooshta, shooshta, shooshta!
Hey. (chuckles)
Bello, busy bee.
(gasps) Aw.
Pomodoro!
Yee-haw!
Pomodoro!
(chuckles)
Pomodoro!
Yee-haw!
Yippa, yippa!
Huh?
Whoa. (laughs)
Yeah!
Huh? (groans)
So, your father has been naughty. Very naughty. He took something of mine that I desperately want back.
Principal Ubelschlecht?
Ooh. I know you took my Lenny.
Now, hand him over!
Ow!
Ow. That... (chuckles)
Actually very funny story.
Zip it!
I don't want to hear your excuses.
I'm here to teach you a lesson.
Let's go, tough guy.
(chuckling) Okay.
I'm not going to fight an old lady.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I'm gonna give you a whupping for the history books.
Whoa, whoa!
Take that!
Yeah, go!
Girls, look out! Over here!
Everyone, get down!
Girls: Gru!
Hey, back off, lady.
Stop it!
Let him go!
Take that!
Now we have to get in there and find that baby.
What?
Oh! Jackpot, huh?
Ay, Maxime.
This is too easy.
Maxime le Mal: Come here, little baby. Come to Maxime. Yes. Coochie-coochie...
(screams) Oh!
(yelps) Ay, Maxime.
You little...
You are in big trouble.
Gotcha!
Whew.
Wait. Where's the baby?
Where's the baby?!
Junior?
Gru: Lucy!
Go after the baby.
Maxime.
Say au revoir, Gru. Oh, and don't worry. He will be very happy with his new daddy. Right? Look at him. Oh, he loves his new daddy.
Junior!
No!
Whoa!
Get in.
We've got a baby to save.
(laughs) We got him!
Oh, who is ready to become a little roach?
Ow! Let go! Ow! Those are very sensitive. Aah! You squirmy little...
Maxime le Mal: Oh! Ugh! Are you kidding me? You got pee-pee all over my ship. Valentina, bring me the Roachification Ray.
There they are.
I'm on it.
Here we go!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's that? (gasps)
(chuckles) Hello.
(groans) Gru!
Get me closer.
Almost there.
Take them out!
You're doing great!
Go get 'em, partner.
Ay! I can't see!
Junior.
Maxime le Mal: (laughs) Don't worry, Gru. The baby is fine. See for yourself.
(gasps)
Oh, Junior.
And now he belongs to me. Isn't that right, Maxime Jr.? (Gru Jr. coos) Together, we will wreak havoc, cause mayhem and have so much fun doing it, huh?
And best of all, he hates you! He really does.
Let my son go.
No, I don't think so. The fun is just about to start, huh?
Oh, look at what a coward your old daddy is, huh?
You crossed the line, Maxime. Now, give me my son.
I told you, he is my son now.
Watch your step, Gru. It's a doozy! (laughs) Too bad you can't fly, huh?
Let go!
Ow!
This ends now!
Say goodbye to Daddy.
It's okay, Junior. Dada loves you.
Get back here.
Bad baby.
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Get off me, you demon! (groans)
You are going to feel the wrath of...
(groans) Whoa.
See? Not a scratch.
Huh? Wha...?
Salami!
Pastrami!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Prosciutto!
What? (coughs)
Prosciutto!
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!
Gross.
(sighs) Nice try. When I...
Antipasti. (chuckles)
(laughs) Oh!
Gru!
Oh, Gru!
You're here!
Junior! (laughs, whoops)
Yes!
Agnes: Yay!
Edith: Holy cow!
Lucy Wilde: Are you guys okay?
Margo: That was insane!
Gru Jr.: Dada.
All: Aw.
Aw. My boys.
Dada.
(crying) You know something, today has been a real roller coaster of emotion.
Uh, Gru?
Can we go back home now?
All right. There you go.
(gasps) Yay!
Dr. Nefario: Alright, there you go.
Lucy Wilde: (gasps) Yay! Thanks, Dr. Nefario. (kisses her baby) Good as new.
Dr. Nefario: No job too small or too mad. (chuckles) Bye then.
Lucy Wilde: Bye.
Hey. You okay, sweetie?
Gru: Agnes!
Someone’s here to see you!
(gasps) Lucky? Lucky! (laughs) Did you practice your tricks? (Lucky bleats) Okay, play dead.
(laughs) Yay!
Ah, that was… disturbing.
Yeah, little bit.
Agne: Lucky! (laughs)
Hey, I’ll, uh… I’ll be back soon.
Oh. Okay.
Mwah.
There’s something I need to take care of.
Mwah.
See you later, buddy.
Love you, honey.
Dadada. (giggles)
Gru: (sighs heavily) How you doing, Maxime?
Maxime le Mal: (groans) What are you doing here, Gru? Came to gloat, no?
Gru: Gloat? No, no, no, no. I just… I wanted to get something off my chest. If it concerns the 9th grade talent show… well, actually… I did steal your song.
Maxime le Mal: What?! I knew it! I knew there was no coincidence! You little liar! Well?!
Gru: Well what?
Maxime le Mal: Well, where’s my apology?!
Gru: Apol… What are you talking about? I just apologized.
Maxime le Mal: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, that was no apology. You just wanted to rub it in. I can't believe you stole my song.
Gru: Hey, I only did that to get back at you for pantsing me at the homecoming dance! Besides, you could’ve gone on after me. It is not my fault you were afraid. Afraid because I killed it!
Maxime le Mal: Afraid? Ha! I could outsing you any day of the week and all day Sunday.
Gru: Oh ho ho! I’d like to see that!
Maxime le Mal: Anytime, any place! You name it, mon ami!
Gru: (laughs) Oh, yeah. (sings) Welcome to your life.
Aah!
There’s no turning back
Aah!
Gru: (sings) Even while we sleep
Oh, come on!
We will find you
Act…
Gru: (sings) …ing on your best behavior.
Turn your back on Mother Nature
Everybody wants to rule the world
Yes!
Woohoo! Yeah!
It’s my own design
Uhhuh. Oh, yeah.
It’s my own remorse
Balthazar Bratt: (laughing) Let’s boogie!
Help me
(muffled) To decide
Help me make the most of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody
(laughs)
Yeah!
Wants to rule the world
Whoo!
Haha!
There’s a room where the light won’t find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down
When they do, I’ll be right behind you
So glad we’ve almost made it
Silas Rambattom: (singing along) So sad they had to fade it. Pompom, pompom, trala, lalala!
Everybody wants to rule the world
Say that you’ll never, never, never, never need it
One headline, why believe it?
Everybody wants to rule the world
Minion: Woohoo!
Gru: (sings) All for freedom and for pleasure.
Gru and Lucy: (singing) Nothing ever lasts forever. Everybody wants to rule the world.
Gru: Oh, yeah.
Ralph: Bello? Bello!
Ralph: Oh, strudel.
Huh?
Oh?
Uh, whoops.
Hmm. Okay, come in.
Bello.
No. No, no, no. (screams)
Ooh. (munches loudly)
(gasps, whimpers) Uh, uh oh.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah.
(sighs)
Oohlala.
Heyhey! Bello! (chuckles)
Oh. (laughing nervously)